Unsteady
by KeyLimePie14
Summary: "Hold onto me, cause I'm a little unsteady..." JanexMaura.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This chapter is pretty short, but I just wanted to set up the plot and test it to see how popular it is. So let me know if ya'll like it!**

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" **Unsteady"**

 **1:**

"Maura, are you ready?" Jane rounded the corner into the Chief Medical Examiner's office and paused mid-step. "Frankie? What are you doing down here?" She questioned, her brow furrowing at the glance her brother and best friend shared upon her entrance.

"Jane…" Maura spoke slowly, reaching out to grasp her elbow softly, "You might want to sit down." Jane looked from Maura's sad face to Frankie's red-rimmed eyes and pale complexion. She pulled her arm away from Maura's grasp.

"What's wrong?" Her voice shook, despite not having any information aside from what was written all over the faces of the two that stood before her. She cringed internally at how weakly she sounded when it could simply be nothing.

"Jane…" Frankie started, only to choke on his words, "Jane," he tried again, this time reaching out to hug her tightly.

"Frankie!" Jane's voice reached a higher octave now, pulling her brother back enough to look at him, her hands grasping his shoulders forcefully, "Tell me what's wrong right now. Is it Ma? Tommy? TJ?!"

Maura tried again, reaching out gently to pull Jane away from her brother, making her look her in the eye as she tried to speak calmly, "Jane, it's your father."

Jane's eyes flashed a myriad of emotions in that instant, landing finally on a mixture of grief and guilt, darkening hauntingly as she braced herself for the next words to come. She nodded slightly, encouraging Maura to continue.

"Jane," It was Frankie again, choking back a forceful sob, making him sound like he was hiccupping, "He… He had a heart attack."

Jane's eyes squeezed shut, awaiting the proclamation of _he's dead_ , but it never came. Upon feeling Maura moving in again, she swallowed hard, trying to find her voice, "Okay…" She began, not quite knowing what else to say.

Her father, the man who abandoned them and ran away to Florida. The man who had slept with the mother of her nephew. The man who had hurt her in ways no other man ever could. The same man who, for much of her life, she'd looked up to, admiring him and viewing him as her knight in shining armor only to realize she'd been looking through rose tinted glasses, was now lying in a hospital bed somewhere, probably alone. So why did she feel so numb all of a sudden?

"Okay…" She repeated, not knowing what else to say. She started pacing back and forth in the small space of Maura's office, her mind reeling from the information. What was she supposed to do now?

"Ma's on her way… She… We should all be there, Janie," Frankie's voice was scratchy but timid. As if he wasn't sure how to react as well.

"Be there?!" Jane whirled around to face him, "Why should we be _there_? Was he here for any of us at all in the past… fuck, how many years has it been?"

"Jane…" Maura started, reaching out tentatively to her friend. Jane backed away from the gesture, pushing her shaking hands through her wild, dark curls that matched the expression in her eyes at the moment. "Jane."

At the tone of Maura's voice, Jane deflated, her shoulders drooping in defeat as she threw herself onto the couch, "Frankie…" She looked up at her brother expectantly, begging him silently to give them some privacy.

Frankie nodded, getting the hint as he cleared his throat, "I'm gonna go see if Ma is here yet. Don't be too long, Jane," as he moved toward the exit, he allowed his hand to fall on Jane's shoulder, squeezing it gently before leaving.

"Maura… What am I supposed to do?" She asked, looking up into her friend's face, "What am I supposed to feel? 'Cause… right now, I don't feel anything but anger."

The blonde sighed and sat down next to her friend, taking scarred hands within her own perfectly manicured ones, "That's okay, Jane. Your feelings are valid. Do you want to go with your family?"

"I…" Jane shrugged in defeat, her lips turning up just slightly in a sad smile as she met Maura's eyes, "Will you come with me?" She broke the eye contact as she heard the desperation in her own voice. She hated feeling this way, like she was five years old again. She felt scared and unsure, of the situation and of herself. It was something she was not in control of and that was something Jane Rizzoli was not used to.

"Of course, Jane," Maura replied immediately, already rising to collect her things and turn off her desk lamp. She put some files into her bag along with her laptop and turned back to find Jane's drawn face staring at her hands as she ran her thumb over a small puckered scar on the back of her hand. She walked over and placed her hand over Jane's, stilling the movements, "It's going to be okay. I'm with you." She smiled, hoping it was supportive.

"Thank you," Jane smiled back. She stood, pulling Maura into a quick embrace before pulling away, "Well… guess we better go. Before Ma comes down here."

Maura nodded, moving them toward the door as she flicked off the light and pulled the door shut closed, "Let's go," she entwined her fingers with Jane in a gesture of comfort as they exited the police station. It was going to be a long and emotional evening. Maura just silently hoped that she could provide enough comfort to the family that all were currently reeling.


	2. Chapter 2

" **Unsteady"**

 **2:**

The things Jane could remember most from her childhood were days spent with her father. They were often seldom, because he worked a lot, including holidays as those seemed to be the busiest times of the year for plumbers (go figure). When she did get to spend time with her father, it was almost as if he was trying to make up for all the lost time, but being a small girl, Jane didn't care much about that. She only cared that she got to be with her Pop.

She remembered her father taking her to see the Red Sox every year. She would get so excited because that meant she got to eat nachos and hot dogs; it meant she got to wear her ball glove in hopes of catching a stray ball; it meant, most of all, that she got hours of her father's undivided attention as they rattled on throughout the game about the stats of players and pointing out all of the exciting plays.

She remembered going to the petting zoo and how her father would hold her hand as they walked through the fenced in area petting smelly animals that a seven year old Jane awed by. She remembered as she got older that Frankie and Tommy would tag along, grasping their Ma's hands as Jane and her father moved on slightly ahead of them.

She'd been a daddy's girl since the day she was born, and only increasingly so as her mother bore two sons and no more daughters. She was the only girl and her father's pride and joy. (She figured it helped a little bit that she was so much of a tomboy.)

She remembered her first school dance, and how her Ma had bawled at how beautiful she looked (really, she was a gangly teenager with limbs too long for her body and a waist that was too small to fit any clothes properly). Her Pa had stood off to the side during the pinning of broches and exchanges of corsages. He'd been silent as he watched her and her friends, along with their dates, take pictures and act silly like teenagers do. Jane remembered noticing him standing off to the side of the other parents that filled her best friend Emily's living room. She walked over to him and hugged him, thanking him.

"For what, Janie?" He had questioned, one arm encircling the small girl.

"For letting me go. I know money is tight," she used hushed tones but the sincerity in her voice was clear. Before allowing him to respond, she'd pulled away, giving him a smile that she reserved solely for him, that had always been present when he did something to make her happy, and then she rejoined her friends.

"Jane?" A soft hand on her shoulder jolted Jane out of her thoughts and she sniffled, wiping her eyes furiously before grounding her palms into them.

She sighed shakily, "Hi."

Maura sat down silently beside her on the wooden pew. It had taken Maura all of five minutes to figure out where Jane had gone when she didn't return from a "bathroom" trip. They'd never spoken of it, but Maura knew that when things got really tough Jane turned to her Catholic upbringing to try and bring her solace. Even though Maura didn't believe, she knew that it could provide a calming effect on people and Jane was no exception. She was searching for answers, now more than ever, and something about her religion seemed to bring her peace in times like these.

She wrapped her arm around the lanky detective's bony shoulders and leaned in close, squeezing her arm lightly, "How are you doing?"

Jane simply shrugged, jutting a shoulder into the air, "I'm fine. Just thinking," a pause, "How'd you find me?" She sniffled again and Maura knew she was anything but fine. She kept this "revelation" to herself and continued to keep the brunette woman close to her.

"Just a hunch," Maura replied, noticing that Jane was fiddling with a ring on her middle finger. It wasn't a ring Maura had ever seen Jane wear, but it looked to be worn. It was gold, with a thick, chunky band that looked out of place on Jane's long, thin digit. "I've never seen that before," she nodded her head in the direction of the spinning ring.

"What?" Jane looked down and immediately stilled her motions, a small flush creeping up her neck, "It's nothing," she mumbled, heaving a sigh and choosing instead to stare up at the stain glass window with a cross painted on it.

"Okay, we don't have to talk," Maura stated, smiling softly at her friend's profile. Jane had yet to actually look at her. She turned her attention to the window as well, admiring how intricate the designs were for a hospital chapel. They sat in silence that way, both lost in their own thoughts for a while.

Jane was the first to speak, and it was so softly that Maura had to strain to hear the words, "It was my granddad's ring. My dad gave it to me because…" a pause, and a half shrug, "Well, shit, I don't remember why. He just thought I should have it because I loved my granddad so much. He was kinda like my dad, always working and never really around, but he was fun and we did stuff together. I guess my dad thought it would help me get over it…" She trailed off, glancing back down at her hands, at the too big ring on her finger, and began twirling it again.

"It reminds you of your dad too," Maura stated knowingly.

"I… Yeah. It does," For the first time Jane looked at Maura, tears shining in her eyes, "As much as I want to be angry, I'm just…" She choked on a sob, one errant tear escaping her eye, "I'm scared, Maur." Her voice, in all its huskiness, sounded terrified. Maura's heart broke a little for her friend.

"Jane…" She reached out with her other hand, beckoning the taller woman to come closer. When Jane turned her upper body toward Maura and scooted closer, Maura wrapped her arms around Jane's frame, holding her tightly, "I think seeing him would help," she murmured softly into a bed of unruly curls.

Jane simply shook her head and sighed tiredly, "I-I can't."

"I'll be there with you, if you'd like," Maura rubbed Jane's back softly, comfortingly.

Jane pulled back just enough to look at Maura's eyes, "Would you? God, I sound like such a child."

"No, you don't, Jane," Maura wiped tears from Jane's cheek with the pad of her thumb, a small smile on her face, "It's okay to be scared. When my mom… got hit by a car, I was terrified, remember?"

Jane nodded, recalling the fear in her friend's light hazel eyes as they stood in front of the elevators in this exact hospital, "I remember."

"Okay, so it's settled, I'll go see your father with you. You can hold my hand if you need to," she reached down and laced their fingers together, squeezing tightly, "It will be okay, Jane." Maura spoke the words that she was often hesitant to speak in situations such as this, but she truly believed that if Jane would let her in that they could get through this and be okay.

"Thanks, Maur," Jane smiled softly, though it didn't quite reach her eyes as she squeezed back. She could feel the soft press of the ring on her finger and tried to focus instead on the soft, yet sturdy grip of Maura's hand with her own, grounding her when she felt so far above the ground.


	3. Chapter 3

" **Unsteady"**

 **3:**

"Maura…" Jane started, wringing her hands together as she looked apprehensively at her father, just behind the glass walls of the ICU room. He lay in a stiff hospital bed, eyes closed, wires and tubes hooked up to him as machines surrounded his head, the heart machine softly beeping.

Maura rubbed small circles on Jane's back, stepping ever closer to her, "I'll be right beside you." She glanced over Jane's shoulder to meet Angela's eye. Angela, Tommy and Frankie sat in the small makeshift "waiting" room just down the hall as they'd all left the room to allow Jane to visit privately.

"How am I supposed to do this?" Jane muttered, her shoulders slumping as she tried to look everywhere but at her father. Her eyes were downcast, hiding just how broken and exhausted she felt.

"Jane, he's stable," Maura soothed, in the only way she knew how – with medicine and the assurance of facts and figures. She'd spoken with the doctor when they'd arrived, helping the Rizzoli clan to understand the terms and numbers the ER doctor had relayed to them. What she didn't tell Jane was that the doctor said beyond his current stability he was not in the clear – he was going to need surgery. Jane had been away from them when the doctor told them this, and it was a silent agreement that Maura be the one to tell her. Maura knew Jane enough to reserve that information until after she'd visited his side, as she had yet to do so despite the fact that they'd arrived hours ago.

"It's okay," Maura continued, "You can take all the time you need," she spoke, not entirely sure if her words were true. Normally, she would balk at even telling half-truths like that, but she knew Jane needed more support than she'd ever needed before.

Maura got the idea that Jane had never dealt with sickness and uncertainty of this kind before, especially when it involved one of her parents, that she'd never seen one of them so physically weak, so human. The only exception being, perhaps, when her father left, but even then it was a different kind of raw humanness. One could argue that even then, Jane's view of her father as her hero had not been completely shattered. It was such a central belief that Jane held for most of her life that she held onto a sliver of child-like hope that her father would one day redeem himself. It didn't take much for Maura to deduce that the reason Jane was taking this heart attack so badly was because that hope was sliding away, the suddenness of illness shattering that belief.

Jane finally took the steps forward, entering into the small room that held her father. She reached behind her, searching for Maura's hand. Their fingers lacing together, Jane boldly stepped up to his side at the bed.

"God, he looks so…fragile," Jane's frown deepened, etching into her sharp features. Maura made sure to stay close to Jane, at least until Jane made a move otherwise.

"He's on a lot of medication to keep him asleep," Maura spoke softly, as she began to rub her thumb over the back of a scarred hand. She glanced at her friend, trying to gauge her reaction.

Jane squeezed her eyes shut after a moment, her free hand coming up to pinch the bridge of her nose. This couldn't really be happening. Sure, she still harbored some pretty raw feelings toward her father, and sure, she'd had a passing thought right after he left her mother that they'd all be better off without him at all, but it was just a _thought_ , one that she'd immediately felt so guilty for that she tossed up a prayer to God stating that she really, really didn't want her Pop to actually die and she was sorry. She hoped God knew that.

Seeing her father lying there, pale and… _weak_ , made her heart break in ways that only her father had ever been able to do. Her body ached, it felt like her stomach had lept into her throat, choking her. She swallowed multiple times to make the feeling go away, but still it stuck.

"Jane…" Maura began rubbing her arm gently, trying hard to navigate this emotionally charged landscape. "C'mon, you want to sit?"

Jane shook her head harshly, the lump in her throat finally escaping as a choked sob, and she leaned into Maura, feeling Maura's arms envelop her in warmth. Maybe she could be safe there. "I…" she choked, trailing off as the tears overcame her ability to speak and she just sobbed into Maura's shoulder, her face burrowing into the crook where neck met shoulder. Maura cooed softly, rubbing her back and rocking them back and forth, just enough to soothe Jane. _Almost like a child_ , Maura frowned, pressing a kiss to her friend's temple.

"I've got you, Jane," she murmured into a wild mess of dark curls. They stood that way for a few long moments and then Jane's crying quieted noticeably and Maura pulled away just enough to look at her face, "I've got you," she repeated, knowing the words, and the promise held within them, wasn't quite enough at this point, but she said them anyway because they were true.

"I know," Jane nodded and buried her face once more.

During this exchange, the doctor had slid his way into the room, making his presence known by clearing his throat, "Hello," he greeted abruptly.

Embarrassed, Jane pulled away from Maura and wiped furiously at her eyes. She glanced distastefully at the man in the white coat and resisted the urge to roll her eyes, "Hi," she said gruffly, "I'm Jane, Frank's daughter."

"It's nice to meet you, Jane," the doctor swiftly put introductions out of the way and glanced at the clipboard at the bottom of the bed, "I was just coming to inform you that we will be prepping him for surgery soon."

"…Surgery? But I thought he was stable?" Jane's brow furrowed, glancing from her father to the doctor, and then to Maura who was discreetly trying not to make eye contact. But Jane noticed; she always did. "Maura? Did you know this was going to happen?"

"I…" She glanced up at Jane, making brief eye contact. "Yes. I was going to tell you after…"

Jane took a deep breath and turned toward the doctor, "Surgery, for what?"

"He has a lot of damage to his heart, Jane," Maura cut in, as she tried to close the distance between them, "There's a blockage they have to clear."

Jane frowned, "Okay, we gotta go now?" She glanced at the doctor who nodded.

"I can give you a few minutes then the nurses will be in to prep him."

"Alright, thanks," Jane reached over and picked up her father's hand, gingerly holding it in hers, "It's gonna be okay, Pop," she leaned down and kissed the top of his head and then stood straight up, looking back at the doctor, "You doing the surgery?" Once again, the doctor nodded. "Okay, don't fuck up, got it?"

Maura grabbed Jane by the arm, "Jane!" She smiled at the doctor in what she hoped was an apologetic manner.

"What? I mean it," Jane feigned a glare and then smiled a little, "He's my Pop, you know?"

Maura nodded, "I know, Jane, let's go tell your family." She began to lead Jane out to the hallway, nodding at the doctor as she passed, her fingers entwining with Jane's once more, a constant reassurance to Jane as she tried to navigate this landscape. Maura wasn't much one for prayer, but she silently bid a small one that she and Jane and the rest of the Rizzoli's would make it through this unscathed.


End file.
